Those Words from A Dad That Helped Us when I became a New Father

"In my view I was merely trying to survive for twelve months."

Former Made In Chelsea star Ryan Libbey expected to manage the demands of being a father.

But the reality soon proved to be "utterly different" to what he'd imagined.

Serious health problems surrounding the birth caused his partner Louise admitted to hospital. Suddenly he was pushed into becoming her primary caregiver while also looking after their baby boy Leo.

"I took on each nighttime feed, every nappy change… every stroll. The duty of both parents," Ryan explained.

After nearly a year he reached burnout. That was when a conversation with his parent, on a public seat, that helped him see he couldn't do it alone.

The straightforward words "You're not in a healthy space. You require support. What can I do to help you?" opened the door for Ryan to express himself truthfully, look for assistance and start recovering.

His story is not uncommon, but infrequently talked about. While the public is now better used to discussing the stress on moms and about post-natal depression, not enough is spoken about the difficulties fathers face.

'It's not weak to ask for help

Ryan feels his challenges are linked to a wider reluctance to communicate amongst men, who often internalise negative perceptions of manhood.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the fortress that just takes the pounding and stays upright time and again."

"It isn't a sign of being weak to seek help. I was too slow to do that quick enough," he adds.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher specialising in mental health before and after childbirth, explains men often don't want to admit they're having a hard time.

They can feel they are "not a legitimate person to be asking for help" - especially ahead of a mum and baby - but she emphasises their mental health is just as important to the family.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad offered him the chance to ask for a pause - spending a few days abroad, separate from the family home, to get a fresh outlook.

He understood he required a shift to consider his and his partner's emotions as well as the practical tasks of looking after a new baby.

When he shared with Louise, he discovered he'd overlooked "what she needed" -holding her hand and listening to her.

Reparenting yourself'

That epiphany has reshaped how Ryan perceives parenthood.

He's now writing Leo letters each week about his journey as a dad, which he aspires his son will read as he grows up.

Ryan hopes these will help his son better understand the expression of emotion and understand his decisions as a father.

The concept of "parenting yourself" is something musician Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

During his childhood Stephen did not have consistent male a father figure. Despite having an "amazing" connection with his dad, deep-held difficult experiences meant his father had difficulty managing and was "in and out" of his life, making difficult their bond.

Stephen says repressing feelings resulted in him make "terrible choices" when in his youth to change how he was feeling, seeking comfort in drink and drugs as an escape from the anguish.

"You turn to substances that aren't helpful," he explains. "They may temporarily change how you are feeling, but they will ultimately cause more harm."

Advice for Managing as a New Dad

• Open up to someone - if you feel swamped, confide in a family member, your other half or a therapist what you're going through. This can to ease the pressure and make you feel more supported.
• Keep up your interests - continue with the pursuits that made you feel like yourself before having a baby. Examples include playing sport, socialising or playing video games.
• Look after the physical health - eating well, physical activity and where possible, resting, all are important in how your mental state is faring.
• Meet other first-time fathers - listening to their journeys, the messy ones, along with the good ones, can help to normalise how you're experiencing things.
• Understand that asking for help does not mean you've failed - taking care of yourself is the optimal method you can care for your household.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen expectedly struggled to accept the death, having had no contact with him for a long time.

As a dad now, Stephen's committed not to "continue the chain" with his own son and instead provide the stability and emotional support he did not receive.

When his son starts to have a tantrum, for example, they try "releasing the emotion" together - processing the frustrations safely.

The two men Ryan and Stephen say they have become improved and more well-rounded men because they faced their issues, changed how they express themselves, and learned to control themselves for their children.

"I have improved at… dealing with things and handling things," says Stephen.

"I wrote that in a note to Leo last week," Ryan says. "I expressed, at times I think my purpose is to instruct and tell you what to do, but actually, it's a two-way conversation. I'm learning an equal amount as you are on this path."